week 8. dead.

First of all, I just want to say thank you to everyone who's been there for me this week. It's been a doozy, a roller coaster, a hell hole... I had a lot of failures this week. I'm hoping it's a sign I'm just working too much or learning from my mistakes. But seriously, you guys are amazing. The encouraging words, hugs and everything else have kept me going.
quick woodrow wilson thing for Reporter. Acrylic on bristol
So my pal Justyn had a few pieces up at an awesome little bar in Canandigua, so we went for the opening. He drew my margarita and... I had fun with it.
in crit and bored.
more during crit boredom
This is the painting I freaked out and turped. It doesn't exist anymore. BRAD if you're looking at this don't worry, I'm redoing it. I know it looks NOTHING like you. I had your likeness and then it... disappeared as I kept painting. Now it's vaguely jersey shore and ugh. So I'm starting over.

But yeah. That was the main failure this week.

So now i'm going to go sleep for the first time in days.

you know what sucks

i was working on an oil portrait. hadn't done one since last year.
It was going really well. Great likeness. Nice movement of the paint. THen it got rough. I worked through it. It looked okay again. Then the likeness faded. And it looked.... well, it was a good portrait of a guy but not the guy I was painting.

So after 4 or so hours I lost my fuckig mind and turped the whole damn thing.


Words can't describe how discouraged, frustrated, and upset I feel right now. I hate failing. I hate it so much.

I work a lot, but I guess it's not enough. I just want respect. Hell, I want to actually like my work someday.


Well, that's my mopey rant of the evening. I'm going to try again soon. But I guess I should sleep. Rare.

Oopdate

Prompt was "cookie cutter". I've had a few friends go through some rough breakups lately, and this is kinda how they felt- couldn't quite replace that person. blah blah.

quick ink doodles of me on pirate, my fav horse, and then me sort of on a demon horse. yay.

rocker chick. self explanitory.

Kids cuddling on acid! yay! for reporter.

Check out reportermag.com. I did the cover! hoo-ray.

So this is love.....

Hiya guys. First two are quick doodles. Love. In its two forms that I know best. Then Bob Dorsey was doing an oil demo so I drew him painting. And then.... a native american bear that just happened in Shakespeare class. He will be my next piece. Chained by a dopey cowboy.

ocean of wheat again... WIPi

So after talking to my professors and having my friends cast their opinions, I've decided to go with my weird doodly sketchbook style. I love doing it, and I think it sort of shows. There's less struggle involved.

I've been advised to stop trying to paint "great" like Greg Manchess or some of those other fantastic people I admire because.. My soul just isn't in it. You can tell I'm pressuring myself, and the work just comes out sad and crappy.

There will only be one Frazetta, one Manchess, and thousands of copycats, some just as good, some maybe even better.

I'm not that good. With lots of practice and forcing myself to do studies I genuinely hate doing, I could probably paint traditional realism beautifully, but dammit... I don't love it. And what the hell is the point of doing art if you don't love what you're doing?

I like drawing weird sorta cartoony stuff. It's sorta unique. And if I can polish this, I can find a niche, and maybe... just maybe find a job. Yeah, right.

Draw what you want.

Paint how you want.

Love it, learn it, beast it.

acrylic, on panel... courtesy my weird off kilter brain.

ink ink ink

So I went to a bar in Rochester called the Old Toad last night with Justyn. We snootily sat around sipping imported British beers and drew people. Think Drink Ink, man.

I've really been getting into ink again. This is good. I'm happy.

Baby Carrots.

couple things for sketchbook.

First one- prompt was "baby carrots". So. Yeah. watercolour/pen/ink

Had to draw some plants. So I drew a rose I saw growing up the side of a building in Giverny (Monet's home) in France.

And a gnarly tree growing out of the rocks at Dead Horse Point, Utah.

Then, some messy doodles with sharpie bleeding thru. I'm gonna do more work this way.

Finally, first attempt at oil painting in a really long time. 18 x24. I'm waiting for it to dry before I fix stuff.

Next piece is going to be acrylic. Probably a portrait. Or something funny.

I can't paint like other artists. I'm gonna try to use the rest of this quarter to figure out MY style. Whatever it is.